consider me savoring life twice.

A wise person once said, "We write to taste life twice..." I couldn't agree more. However, that wise person is actually the anonymous quote printed on the outside of my Target-purchased journal. It is fitting that I inaugurate my new blog with such an auspicious statement. I do, in fact, write so I can savor the little things about my life again, remember the little smiles and the big laughs. I tell my beautiful 7th graders every day that who they are matters, what they do matters and it is this blog that is helping me to reclaim some of that ethereal statement for myself. I can promise laughs with this blog. I can promise a random photo or two. I can promise legit classroom tips (and maybe some not so legit ones...). I can promise a good book review or two, or three, or four...But above all, I can promise that these simple ramblings will give a peek into the life of a 20-something who is trying to figure life out. It isn't pretty, despite my (at times) desperate attempts to make it appear otherwise. In a moment of full disclosure, I'll admit that I'm a lost person. Not lost in the proverbial, prodigal son type way, but rather in the sense that I've thrown myself into a new life and I have to eek my way around to figure out what it is I truly love, what it is I want to be. It is a good lost. A lost that I most definitely thought would be over by now, but am slowly coming to terms with. It is surprisingly hard for me, even with my love of change and adventure, to adapt to a new environment. I've hemmed and hawed over my life here. I've loved it, and I've hated it. Through it all, I've had the overwhelming feeling that I am a complete, total work in progress. Disconcerting, to say the least. To see myself in this light is altogether refreshing and daunting. For so long I've wanted to be the final draft, the finished product. I am so not the final draft. So please tell me you aren't either. Please? A new blog for a new life in a new(ish) place and a new(ish) job. One could say that I am like unto Lewis & Clark, blazing a trail across an uncharted wilderness. Well, maybe I'll just say that. I'll slap ya with some anecdotes...If you know me at all, you know that I am complete social-phobe. I can already hear the chorus of you (okay, the pair of you. I'm real when it comes to who will actually be reading this)shouting, nooo you are totally sociable! It may be so, fine readers and friends, but let me tell you, it is absolutely NERVE WRACKING for me to go anywhere where I know I'll have to mingle. It kills me. I worry about it all day. So, FHE rolled around this past Monday, and let me tell you, I was dreading it something fierce. But because I love fulfilling my calling, I put on my killer whale costume and manned up. Amidst an alarming amount of small talk, I was able to turn conversations to my pet topics (Nazi Germany and the startling comparisons to modern-day government, orcas, etc.) I felt like a rockstar. It is strange how actually talking to another human being about the things you geek out on can make you feel oddly satisfied. And so this week started off with an unexpected liveliness. Cut to Wednesday. Some dear girl was kind enough to invited me out for Halloween festivities. Out came the ol' killer whale costume again. And long story short, I was my sassy, irreverent self...and it worked. Weird how when you stop trying so hard to be nice that things fall into place. It is counterintuitive. When I try to be nice, I'm so boring that other people literally fall asleep while pretending to listen to me. Weird. I'm never being nice again. Odd conclusions to draw from the week, I know. Another thread throughout my week was found in the novel Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. The novel is a letter written from the perspective of aging Reverend John Ames to his young son. It is a thoroughly profound text, with symbolism and beautiful passages. But in the vein of learning about my week, here is the passage that really cut to the core of me (and no, that was not an Anchorman reference. although Baxter does always cut to the core of Ron...): "This is an important thing, which I have told many people, and which my father told me, and which his father told him. When you encounter another person, when you have dealings with anyone at all, it is as if a question is being put to you. So you must think, What is the Lord asking of me in this moment, in this situation? If you confront insult or antagonism, your first impulse will be to respond in kind. But if you think, as it were, This is an emissary sent from the Lord, and some benefit is intended for me, first of all the occasion to demonstrate my faithfulness, the chance to show that I do in some small degree participate in the grace that saved me, you are free to act otherwise than as circumstances would seem to dictate. You are free to act by your own lights. You are freed at the same time of the impulse to hate or resent that person. He would probably laugh at the thought that the Lord sent him to your for your benefit (and his), but that is the perfection of the disguise, his own ignorance of it." Woah. What a beautiful way to see people. While I was not complete successful, as I went throughout my day looking at others in this way, I was able to feel more at peace and in control of situations. Seriously good stuff. Novel is chock full of it. Like I said much earlier (hopefully you are still reading)I am writing to savor life twice. I'm writing to help find out where I fit into this puzzle of life. I am writing to get inspired, to finally maybe start that book or embark on that new adventure. When push comes to shove, I'm just the girl on 17th street. This whole endeavor may seem silly to you, but maybe, just maybe you will end up feeling something after reading this and you will better appreciate who you are, what you are doing. Warmest Regards from 17th.