let's give em something to talk about.

i honestly don't know why i titled this post the way i did...just go with it. i have had a lot on my mind as of late (well, and as per usual). my life, while quite wonderful, needs more. i've known for a long time that i don't want to be a teacher forever. in fact, i'm just...over it. i love, love, love my students don't get me wrong, but there are other things that hold my heart. i'm afraid that i'm falling into whatever is convenient (i.e. teaching) because i need money and i like kids. i'm too young to settle! i finally feel like i have a dream again, and i want so badly for it to actually happen. my tender lil' heart can't take any more professional let down. ah, my dreams. they intoxicate me with their haunting aroma (anchorman, anyone?) and yet, i feel so lost when it comes to accomplishing them. the crazy thing is, i honestly haven't felt like i've "had a dream" or something that i've wanted to aspire to for a while. it was all about being practical, what was "realistic". how on earth can i tell my kids to dream big if all i ever do is what is safe, expected? talk about worst teacher of the year award if that is the case! i've been ordering books on amazon (sorry bank account) all about what i LOVE studying, i've been looking at graduate programs (there goes any semblance of financial security), and i've been talking to my students more and more about what it is that fires me up. dude, and ever since my senior year of college, it has been women's issues. specifically, reproductive/maternal health issues. and yet, you wouldn't know that i care about it AT ALL. how very sad that you can live life completely denying something you know in your soul to be so important and just keep living the plain ol' basic life you got. i know i'm rambling, but what i'm actually trying to verbalize is that i am done making excuses for why i'm not doing what i love, what i care about. i'm done sitting at home, wishing that i was somewhere else actually doing something meaningful. i'm going to do it. plain and simple. someone want to help me? :)